The Tapestry of Love: Unravelling the Threads of Upbringing

Love, that elusive yet powerful force that shapes our lives in profound ways, is often coloured by the lens through which we view the world—the lens of our upbringing. From the tender embrace of a parent's love to the tumultuous dynamics of childhood relationships, our early experiences lay the foundation for how we perceive and navigate love in our adult lives.

For some, love is synonymous with security and warmth—a comforting embrace that envelops us in a cocoon of safety and acceptance. This perception of love is often rooted in a nurturing upbringing, where parents or caregivers provided unconditional love and support, teaching us that we are worthy of love simply by virtue of being ourselves. In turn, we carry this belief into our adult relationships, seeking partners who mirror the love and security we experienced in childhood.

For others, love may be tinged with pain and uncertainty—a tangled web of conflicting emotions shaped by childhood trauma or dysfunction. Growing up in an environment marked by neglect, abuse, or instability can distort our perception of love, leaving us wary of intimacy and vulnerability. In these cases, love may be equated with control or manipulation, leading to patterns of co-dependency or toxic relationships in adulthood.

Yet, regardless of our upbringing, our perception of love is not set in stone. Like a tapestry woven from a myriad of threads, it is a complex interplay of experiences, beliefs, and learned behaviours that can be unravelled and rewoven over time. Through self-reflection, therapy, and personal growth, we have the power to challenge and reshape our understanding of love, forging new patterns of connection and intimacy rooted in authenticity and self-awareness.

Moreover, understanding the influence of our upbringing on our perception of love can foster empathy and compassion in our relationships. By recognizing that our partners may have their own unique experiences and perspectives, we can cultivate a deeper understanding of their needs and insecurities, nurturing a relationship built on mutual respect and empathy.

In the end, our upbringing shapes but does not define our perception of love. It is a journey of exploration and discovery—a journey that invites us to unravel the threads of our past and weave a new tapestry of love, one that reflects our truest selves and honours the complexities of the human heart.

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Stress

STRESS

Stress covers so much today from redundancy, grief of a loved one, facing living alone, work related issues with colleagues and being over stretched.

It’s our modern way of life so fast with so much to deal with, so much change in all aspects of our everyday lives.

Stress has activators to make us do things out of character, as we are not able to make clear decisions when stressed and we are so stressed we forget what it is like not to be, it becomes the normal state of our being.

There are ways that seem to be how we cope with this through drug prescribed and ilegal.  Drinking, sexual activities, gambling, retail therapy and many more but it is not the answer.  Together we can explore different routes and choices to get a healthy life style back. Call me or email on the website. Jacquelinecastle.co.uk, take charge of your life and let go of things that no longer work for you.  Find the life that you want to live.

There are so many factors but here are a few Divorces, looking after children on your own as there is no one to help.  Caring for elderly or disabled parents and others, Job pressures with so many demands on us all to achieve and provide.

Talking to a friend who lives alone as a widow has a good job and finding that she is still grieving for her husband after 3 years and “the job she has is very stressful” were her words “and I have to cover for my colleague who is off on leave too”.  She said “I am ill and had two weeks off and could not function and if I stay home any more I will be on a final warning to lose my job”.  What do I do then, is this familiar to you, I am sure it’s in every day chats and conversations going on all the time. This is just an example of how stress can escalate in every area of our life until effects our health as well. There are ways to reduce this stress and get the life you would love to have.  There are many routes that are being investigated into prescription drugs and they cause a lot of other illnesses in life if taken on a regular basis. These are prescribed regularly for Stress; they help but are not the answer.

Call me now and let see how we can change things around for you, just a call away. I have been through my own journey last year and into this year and felt this would never have happened to me but I was knocked back and unable to work and have had to reinvent myself and what I do and how I go about it.  After 20 years in the counselling profession and helping others I had to start again and help myself so I have walked the talk as they say.  Life is challenging at times and there are people like myself who have trained professionally in this field so I can pass the knowledge on.  Working in many different areas as you will see on my website jacquelinecastle.co.uk and still enjoying what I do and the changes that people make and the differences just a few changes can bring to you and create the life you desire.  Call me and see if I can help you too.

 

TRAUMA

TRAUMA

 

In our modern, fast pace of life with ever changing challenges we all face every day.

Trauma, Stress, Depression, hopelessness, anxiety, and grief all come and lurk in the depths of our being.

With so many demands on us we try to overcome these and in the end often get a prescription of antidepressants to take the edge of how we feel away.

Yes I am aware that these can help us through a very sticky patch and help us to feel better after a while.

After going with a friend suffering from anxiety and hopelessness, and hearing from this empathetic doctor, who said this is not the cure.

You need to do therapy to get the root or core of the problem as this will not be a cure, it will just ease things.

The doctor also mentioned only a few organisations which she thought might help but are not here anymore with cut backs on funding.

Also recommended self help u tubes to motivate you, then I began to think you need some help and face to face help which we are not use to today as we are in the era of electronics.

We lead our lives in this field and this is challenging for me but determined to share my thoughts with you and all its challenges.

Trauma what is it?

Where did it come from?

How do you know you have or are suffering from it?

All these questions can round and round and you seem to never find the answer.

You can feel stressed, have anxiety just about anything can fall into this category, and you just cannot face anything.

Friends, family and colleagues just don’t get it, you are left with feeling, what’s wrong with me.

The answer could stem back to trauma, talking to someone a few days after they had experienced an accident in the car, which they were under the doctor for and had gone away for a few days.  They experienced the whole body in trauma and not able to walk or do much.  After having a chat they realized that they were not feeling that great and the incident had upset them a lot more than they thought which is where it stays in the background.

Being Human we are affected by life and what happens to us.

Triggers can occur through Music, smells, voices, TV with scenes of abuse rape and violence.

Any one of these can set of a trauma incident that lays dormant and affects us living a happy life.

Many of us without any judgement can bury it in the bottom of a glass, or a drug we take which can be prescribed or many others.

They do numb the pain but bring other problems to and then we live a life out of control, and can find ourselves in a very dark hole.

There are answers, you just need to reach out and get some help and learn how to move on wards and upwards to the live you know you deserve.

Contact me I am a survivor and I thrive in life and what this for you.

Alone at Christmas

In a world of constant change, uncertainty and loss of beliefs, life can become overwhelming leading to feelings of loneliness, hopelessness, depression, and even suicide. And now, the party season is here and whilst it can be so much fun, can still lead to arguments when too much drink, drugs and sex come into play.

If you have an addiction it can lead to the loss of loved ones, families and friends – ultimately becoming an even worse nightmare. Drinking is socially accepted so we are able to drink to oblivion and not recall what we said. We become unaware of our actions so can cause trivial arguments that lead to worse. In addition we may justify our drinking and behaviour and the lack of finances which is an extra pressure – addiction can appear in many areas of our life and can just creep up on us, so worries, anxiety and stress, all hidden under the glamour of Christmas, can build to a head that, frankly, is difficult to cope with.

We are more acceptable to flashbacks of the memories we hold dear in our hearts and of the loved ones we may have lost. Of those who have not passed away but we no longer see or we have experienced a heart-breaking separation or divorce, then with all those memories (good or bad) the bittersweet feelings can be so heartfelt we do not know what to do. The sleigh bells are jingling and “Coming home for Christmas” songs are playing and we feel low and down and do not know how to cry.

I have learnt from my own experiences that you can only take one day at a time as the world is constantly changing. And so do we – nothing stays the same, Christmas comes and goes and somehow we all get through it. My suggestions are: be flexible and say yes – we can have different experiences with the same things if we think differently in our own thoughts; open up to others and smile or invite them to join you for a coffee or a drink – do something different to what you usually do – it’s challenging (I know, I have done it) but there is so much to gain.

Yes, it is challenging to change our thoughts, expectations and traditions that we are used to around this time of Christmas, but it is possible – just small steps to do what makes us happy but be aware of others and how and what you can do to make them smile and laugh. There is so much to gain and give at this time of year but it is about how we perceive it all. Life is not always as we want it and it is a lot better when we are able to let go of the hurt, betrayal, greed, competition and just be ourselves and have fun – smiling and laughter is the perfect gift. It’s not about money and how much we spend on each other; it’s not about the biggest and the best, its about love, kindness and opening ourselves to be with others, embracing their differences, diversity, different faiths and religions and knowing that we all feel the same. We’re all human, after all.

If you don’t have a family, then join in with others who do. And those who have families, then ask others who are alone to join you – they will bring something very special to the table.

There is a great cliché, “Let it begin with me”. Don’t wait for others to make your life better or affect your moods and what you choose to do. Give what you would like to receive – it comes back to you and will give you so much more. There are many explanations of how this philosophy works and why; the simple fact is that it does. Let’s help each other to have a better time this Christmas and new year –let’s move towards each other, not away.

If you would you like to find out how I might be able to help you then please phone me on 07733 454 790  or send me an email.
Jacquie Castle. Psychotherapy and Counselling in Hampshire.

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Information we may collect from you

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• Information we receive from other sources. We may receive information about you if you use any of the other websites we operate or the other services we provide. [In this case we will have informed you when we collected that data that it may be shared internally and combined with data collected on this site.] We are also working closely with third parties (including, for example, business partners, sub-contractors in technical, payment and delivery services, advertising networks, analytics providers, search information providers, credit reference agencies) and may receive information about you from them.

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Uses made of the information

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We may share your personal information with any member of our group, which means our subsidiaries, our ultimate holding company and its subsidiaries, as defined in section 1159 of the UK Companies Act 2006.

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Access to information

The Act gives you the right to access information held about you. Your right of access can be exercised in accordance with the Act. Any access request may be subject to a fee of £10 to meet our costs in providing you with details of the information we hold about you.

Changes to our privacy policy

Any changes we may make to our privacy policy in the future will be posted on this page and, where appropriate, notified to you by e-mail. Please check back frequently to see any updates or changes to our privacy policy.

Contact

Questions, comments and requests regarding this privacy policy are welcomed and should be addressed to the contact email address on this website.

Cookie Policy

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  • ‘Standard text’ will provide a 12px equivalent version on most browsers and hide accessibility elements
  • ‘Large text’ will provide a 24px equivalent version on most browsers and hide accessibility elements
  • ‘Easy Read’ will provide a low simple contrast version, using standard text size on a pale yellow background to aid legibility which is often helpful for users with dyslexia
  • ‘No Style’ will strip off all our styles and provide a plain text, linear version
  • To resize the text without our help:
    • In Internet Explorer: View > Text size > Largest
    • In Firefox: View > Text size > Increase
    • In Opera: File > Preferences > Fonts > Minimum font size (pixels)
    • Alternatively, scroll with the wheel of your mouse whilst holding down the control key.
    • To use the keyboard instead of the mouse;
      • Use the Tab key to move and browse amongst the menus and links.
      • Pressing ‘Enter’ is the same as clicking a mouse
      • Use the arrow keys on your keyboard to move up or down the page or from left to right.
• All images contain an ALT tag unless decorative, where they are marked as empty.
• Links make sense out of context. Wherever possible, title tags have also been used to expand on their meaning.
• Drop down menu bars are sometimes used. Please select a category and click (or press ‘Enter’) on the option you wish to view. If your system does not support drop-down menus, please use the site map link for quick and easy browsing
• Most of our sites have ‘breadcrumbs’ on the top of each page which allow you to retrace your steps and go back to where you started. However, older sites may not have this facility so you may need to use the ‘Back’ button on your browser. Back buttons are usually on the top left hand corner of your browser. By simply clicking on this button you can retrace your steps through the pages you have already viewed on our website. Some keyboards also have a Back Button as part of their options.

General Accessibility.

• This website conforms to the WCAG 2.0 four principles of accessibility and so is: perceivable, operable, understandable and robust
• The original designers, Access by Design, have considered the full range of techniques, including the advisory techniques, as well as to seeking relevant advice about current best practice to ensure that this web content is accessible, as far as possible, to all communities.
• This website has been thoroughly tested on multiple browsers, platforms and devices
• This website has been tested using multiple automated accessibility testing software
• This website has been tested by a REAL person with a disability who tested the website and submitted a report to the original designers who then used it to improve accessibility further.

Web Standards

• All CSS and XHTML created by this website validate to the document type.
  Validation does not equal accessibility.
• If a page on this website does not validate it is almost always because a third-party ‘plug-in’ has needed to be employed.
• Although we try to use only accessible third-parties and we alert designers to accessibility issues, rectifying them is beyond our control
• We reserve the right to use the web standards CSS and XHML buttons on this website as all elements within our control validate correctly.

Please Note: although this website was designed and built by a company specialising in accessible websites, it is run by us. We are not experts on web accessibility ourselves and sometimes mistakes can happen. If you find an accessibility error, please alert us as soon as possible, using the contact email address on this website, telling us the nature of the problem so that we can fix it.

Further Help

You may wish to download “Browsealoud”. This is a FREE speech reader that enables you to listen rather than read our website. Browsealoud may be helpful to people with dyslexia, those who find reading difficult, those who have a mild visual impairment or those who just like to do more than one thing at a time!

• Please follow this link to download Browsealoud onto your computer or select the image above.

WC3 WAI Web Content Accessibility Guidelines 1.0 and W.A.G 2.0

To be considered to be Priority 1 (A) standard a website should meet all of the following points.

• This website provides a text equivalent for every non-text element (e.g., via “alt”, “longdesc”, or in element content). This includes: images, graphical representations of text (including symbols), image map regions, animations (e.g., animated GIFs), applets and programmatic objects, ascii art, frames, scripts, images used as list bullets, spacers, graphical buttons, sounds (played with or without user interaction), stand-alone audio files, audio tracks of video, and video. (1.0)
• This website provides text alternatives for any non-text content so that it can be changed into other forms people need, such as large print, braille, speech, symbols or simpler language.
• This website ensures that all information conveyed with colour is also available without colour, for example from context or markup. (1.0)
• This website clearly identifies changes in the natural language of a document’s text and any text equivalents (e.g., captions). (1.0)
• This website may be read without style sheets; when an HTML document is rendered without associated style sheets, it is still be possible to read the document. (1.0)
• This website ensures that equivalents for dynamic content are updated when the dynamic content changes. (1.0)
• This website avoids causing the screen to flicker. (1.0)
• This website uses the clearest and simplest language appropriate for its content.
• This website does not use image maps(1.0)
• This website does not use tables(1.0)
• This website does not use frames(1.0)
• This websitedoes not use multimedia(1.0)
  • This website has 1 area that is sadly, still inaccessible to some users. (1.0)
    • After our best efforts, we have not been able to create an accessible page for the Social Networking buttons. Please see the bottom of this page for alternatives.
    • Pages on this website are still usable when scripts, applets, or other programmatic objects are turned off or not supported. If this is not possible, this website provides equivalent information on an alternative accessible page. (1.0)
    • Programmatic elements such as scripts are directly accessible and compatible with assistive technologies (1.0)

This website passes Priority 1 (A) Accessibility.

Priority 2 checkpoints

To be considered to be Priority 2 (AA) standard, a website should meet all of the following points;

• This website ensures that the foreground and background colour combinations in images provide sufficient contrast when viewed by someone having colour deficits or when viewed on a black and white screen. (1.0)
• When an appropriate markup language exists, this website uses usesmarkup rather than images to convey information. (1.0)
• This website documents validate to published formal grammars. (1.0)
• This website uses style sheets to control layout and presentation. (1.0)
• This website uses relative rather than absolute units in markup language attribute values and style sheet property values. (1.0)
• This website uses header elements to convey document structure and uses them according to specification. (1.0)
• This website marks up lists and list items properly. (1.0)
• This website marks up quotations and does not use quotation markup for formatting effects such as indentation. (1.0)
  This website ensures that dynamic content is accessible (or provides an alternative presentation or page only when no other option is possible). (1.0)
• Until user agents allow users to control blinking, this website avoids causing content to blink (i.e., change presentation at a regular rate, such as turning on and off). (1.0)
• Until user agents provide the ability to stop the refresh, this website does not use periodically auto-refreshing pages. (1.0)
• Until user agents provide the ability to stop auto-redirect, this website does not use markup to redirect pages automatically. (If redirects are needed they are configures via the server) (1.0)
• Until user agents allow users to turn off spawned windows, this website does not cause pop-ups or other windows to appear and does not change the current window without informing the user. (1.0)

Please note: this website uses ‘highslide’, a JavaScript technique to give the appearance of a pop-up window to preview links or content. However, highslide is NOT a pop-up, the JavaScript can be disabled (and the link will still work) and is for graphic purposes only.

• The website uses W3C technologies when they are available and appropriate for a task and uses the latest versions when supported. (1.0)
• This website avoids deprecated features of W3C technologies. (1.0)
• This website divides large blocks of information into more manageable groups where natural and appropriate. (1.0)
• This website does not identify the target of each link because it is written in XHTML 1.0 Strict
• This website provides metadata to add semantic information to pages and sites. (1.0)
• This website provides information about the general layout of a site (e.g., a site map). (1.0)
• This website uses navigation mechanisms in a consistent manner. (1.0)
• Tables are not used for layout. (1.0)
• Until user agents support explicit associations between labels and form controls, all form controls are combined with implicitly associated labels and the label is properly positioned. (1.0)
• Form labels are explicitly associated with their controls. (1.0)
• Event handlers used in scripts are input device-independent. (1.0)
• Until user agents allow users to freeze moving content, this website avoids movement in pages. If movement is present it can be instantly and easily stopped or blocked. (1.0)
• Programmatic elements such as scripts are directly accessible and compatible with assistive technologies (1.0)
• Any element that has its own interface can be operated in a device-independent manner. (1.0)
• When using scripts, this website specifies logical event handlers rather than device-dependent event handlers. (1.0)

This website passes Priority 2 (AA) Accessibility.

Priority 3 checkpoints

• This website ensures that the foreground and background colour combinations in text provide sufficient contrast when viewed by someone having colour deficits or when viewed on a black and white screen. (1.0)
• This website specifies the expansion of each abbreviation or acronym in a document where it first occurs. (1.0)
• This website identifies the primary natural language of a document. (1.0)
• This website provides keyboard shortcuts (such as jump menus) to important links (including those in client-side image maps), form controls, and groups of form controls. (1.0)
• Until user agents (including assistive technologies) render adjacent links distinctly, this website includes non-link, printable characters (surrounded by spaces) between adjacent links. (1.0)
• This website provides information so that users may receive documents according to their preferences (e.g., language, content type, etc.) (1.0)
• This website provides navigation bars to highlight and give access to the navigation mechanism
• This website groups related links, identifies the group (for user agents), and, until user agents do so, provides a way to bypass the group. (1.0)
• This site enables different types of searches for different skill levels and preferences. These might include a search box, site maps and content ‘tagging’(1.0)
• This website places distinguishing information at the beginning of headings, paragraphs, lists, etc. (1.0)
• This website does not use ASCII ART
• This website supplements text with graphic or auditory presentations where they will facilitate comprehension of the page. (1.0)
• This website uses a style of presentation that is consistent across pages. (1.0)
• This website now refers to the new WC WCAG 2.0 guidelines and does NOT include default, place-holding characters in edit boxes and text areas in forms as user agents ARE now able to handle empty controls correctly. (1.0)

This website passes Priority 3 (AAA) Accessibility.

Accessibility Problems?

This website may have the following minor access problems/issues. These are explained here and alternatives given.

• This site does not use meta access keys (sometimes called ‘hot keys’). Our research suggest that these are actually detrimental to most keyboard-users as they already have their own keys set up which are then overwritten or confused by websites (who do not use a consistent approach). We will review this decision periodically and if research proves otherwise (or technology improves) we will resume these techniques.
• This site may fail validation on third-party technologies. This is because we have little or no ability to recode these to meet our high accessibly standards. However, we always aim to use plug-ins that are either accessible, increase the accessibility or have simple accessible alternatives. If forced to choose between accessibility features and validation, we have taken the difficult decision to always choose accessibility.